I had a fabulous weekend. Friday I went with Michelle to pick Emili up from the airport. Saturday dad and I finished Firefly and I went to the always great Noma concert with Emili, Becky, Clay and Chap. We all (well, the girls) spent the night at Emili’s and Emma and I got up early for church and so I could spend more time with my dad. Church was nice. Emma played with Toby. Emma, Chapman chilled for lunch. I went to Lori’s parent’s house and ate. Then I went to Chapman’s family’s Easter dinner. Then I went home. Mom got me an Easter basket. 
Since then, my life has been the shittiest it’s been since I was, oh twelve or so. All that’s left is for my mom to have some horrible illness. I have no time, no money. I have so much homework, so much to make up so I can at the very least graduate. I need to make my dress for prom, but my mom went to the ranch without the sewing machine so I don’t know if I can get it done. I don’t want to force Emili to sew my damn dress the one week she is home. That isn’t fair. I don’t know why I’m even putting forth any effort to go to prom at all. The stress of everything is making me sick. Or I’m making me sick. I don’t know. I’m so lost and angry and sad and I never never have time for myself and I don’t even have time for Emili really. I also don’t know how I’m going to pay for my peacock feathers. No I haven’t ordered them yet. I suck at planning things. I can’t be a grown up. I’m bad at it. I can’t plan ahead. I can’t motivate myself. I am just drowning in a big pit of self loathing.
I love you.