The Way I Feel.

Updates, updates.

Well, Open Mic Night has been cancelled because silly Amber made boss lady angry. :/ Just when I’d started singing again and almost had a song I could sing by myself! Not fair.

Also, I (somehow!) got my Sunday shift moved from mid to closing, which is great because now I can go to church again. I went this morning and it just felt so… right. It felt wonderful to be sitting in such a welcoming and accepting and positive invironment. Bravo. Then I was able to spend time with Chapman for the first time in ages. His play was this past week, and it was amazing. He is such a good lil’ actor! Hurrah!

Today was such a nice day. I felt accepted and loved all the live long day (almost), and I finally saw Mean Girls (hysterical). Tomorrow I am skipping school (What were they thinking, giving us Tuesday off but not Monday? Naturally we will skip school!) and driving my lil’ (or not so much) butt down to the ranch. I work Tuesday night, so I have to leave fairly early on Tuesday, but a 24 hour ranch trip is better than no ranch trip at all, right? Right.

Gordon Lightfoot will be singing  me to sleep tonight. Bet you’re jealous.

Emili/Bev,

Thanks for being such a swell friend. Bad Decisions Friday! Hahahhahaha.

Love,

Becca/Barb

 

Sydney F.,

Thanks for loving me unconditionally. I looooove you. 296. Narm?

Love,

Becca

 

Chapman,

You’re my favorite. Wanna go to Chicago?

Love,

Becca

 

 

 

Night kiddos.

 

 

OH CRAP. I almost forgot!!!!

 

 

 

BARACK HUSSEIN (it means ‘good looking’ in Arabic!) OBAMA IS OUR PRESIDENT!! You have no idea how excited I am. I hope he does well, and doesn’t get harmed in some way.

RE: Stacks.

Went to the ranch this weekend. Didn’t shower. Ate too much good food. Shot skeet (LAWL), rode my pony, almost got bucked off my pony, stayed on cause I’m awesome like that, rode in the back of dad’s truck. All around:  AMAZING WEEKEND. I got harassed by some rather childish girls at my work and they caused a bit of turmoil and drama, but I’m not in trouble so that’s good. My dad basically drunk-napped guys when he worked for Sombraro and made them wash dishes and cook and such. He is SO cool. XD

I was freaking out about our Econ group project, but apparently it’s not due until Wednesday, so I’m better. 

I think I’ll sing Brightly Wound with Emili on Tuesday for Open Mic Night, after practice with Wii and Cliff. So busy!

Ce n’est pas juste.

Maybe I should get this tattooed on my body?

Lonesome Valley.

Didn’t go to church again. I watched the guy from Calvary though, and he did a nice little teaching on Joseph and his snazzy dream interpreting skills. Very nice.

 

Work today, though I’m hardly up for it. I want to curl in a ball and sleep until five. My house is unusually cold this morning, and it feels amazing to have my window open with the warm sunlight pouring in.

Ended up with a D in French, but a C in math?! Wtf?! Haha, I told my mom and we laughed about it, but I really do need to buckle down in French. I’ll be spending the night at Wii’s for the first time in ages.

Had some really frightening dreams last night involving scary castles (Malachor?) and having to put down horses and little gremlin things that initially I was terrified of but ended up being my only allies against the witch or whomever it was that I was so afraid of.

 

I just wanna be a Jedi.

Hey Saturday Sun.

This happened SIX FEET IN FRONT OF ME.

 

He (Cedric) touched me. JUMPED ON ME. I…I’m still speachless. STILL. As I told the coma, it was the single most blithe and euphoric experience of my life (so far). I…wow. It was really short, but that was the only dissapointing thing about it.

 

Sam Beam was wonderful and the show was so…raw. Just Sam and another guy. But you can read Wii’s blog about that, because she does a lovely job of describing it.

 

 

End of the first quarter. I dropped math. If one more person mentions the stupidity of that decision or the possible reprecussions, I’m going to snap. I KNOW. So lay off. I’ve been feeling pretty well lately, though tonight I’m quite grumpy for some reason. Had a practice with Wii and Cliff on Thursday that Ithought went well, though apparently I threw Wii off on Televators. We gave that up after a while, but Cliff is a very nice sort. I think we need to be friends so he can tell me about all the shows he’s been to and I can weep and be jealous. Lord, jealousy has been plaguing me lately. I’m jealous of at least two of the people I care about multiple times a day, and this never used to happen. It is annoying. Anyway, LionFest was…decent. I had lots of fun with Michael, Jared and Ariel, though once they left I was very much alone. Thankfully Mike stuck it out with me until Redlands played so I wasn’t alone too long. I sat with Mr. Miller. Redlands was really amazing, and worth suffering through the many horrible bands that came before it. Why couldn’t it just be summer already? By the way, Becca, GET A PASSPORT.

Um, today I felt rather lonely. I went to lunch with Thrall, Miller, Class and Mrs. Filbert, which was entertaining because I got all the teacher gossip, but it was a quick lunch. Afterwards I went to Bookmans and bought the O Brother Where Art Thou? soundtrack and Francis The Mute (I had to! It was just sitting there under Ziggy Marley! I couldn’t leave it!), as well as a copy of Paste with an interview with Bon Iver (it is pronounced the French way, turns out.) in it. What a cutie. Then I came home and hung out with dad a bit, but he was a little grumpy for some reason so I ended up crying in my room for no real reason and thinking that my brother wasn’t actually going to invite me this week to hang out, but he did around six. I went early just to get out of the house and chilled in Barnes and Noble in the music section for ages thinking to find Devendra, alas, no luck. After that I mosey-d over to the pretty diaries section and bought a classy planner so that I might be organised for French this quarter. I ended up running into my brother, Lori and Katie there and we all went to Jonathan’s new apartment for countless Flight of the Concords video’s off youtube and some strange strategy game that I lost.

I need new jeans, new shirts, black flats, sleep, and a hug.

 

ps. The Mars Volta 4 Lyfe!

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Peacock Tail.

I want HIM to be my president.

A few realisations:

• I love sunsets. And the night sky. Why aren’t they appreciated more?
• I have been freaking out for the past few weeks trying to make time for friends, family, work and school. When have I made time for myself? When have I done something I enjoy? I haven’t done yoga in weeks, and that has always made me feel amazing mentally as well as physically. Why am I not doing that?
• Banana’s are an excellent source of potassium.
• John McCain is not just a cute old man who needs retirement. He’s an idiot.
• Boards of Canada is flipping amazing.
• I am going to see The Mars Volta in three days!! Me!!

I need a vacation. And self esteem. Can you buy that on ebay?

Why?

Was amazing and fantastic and everything I had hoped for! Bravo! It was a really fun evening overall and I got to see Jeremy for the first time in two years. Yay!

Work was really slow today, and I ditched church for sleeping this morning. Two of our shift leads got canned and it’s really sad and nervewracking cause I liked them. Oh well.

I have loads of homework that I avoided yesterday, and I’m all alone because mom went to the ranch and let me stay here. It feels funny.

Why?

I mean the past couple days have been awesome.

 

I believe I’ll be seeing WHY? on Saturday. Sweeeeet. I need to have an Office Marathon like ten minutes ago.

 

Sorry I’m an uninteresting person. I really don’t deserve  a blog.

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I’m completely dissatisfied with my current state  of being. Everything hurts my feelings. Everything makes me shut down. I feel like my friends want nothing to do with me, yet I make little attempt at spending time with them. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I want to be. I’m looked down on for wanting to attend a community college. Considered less intelligent than the others. I’m sure I am, I’m just sick of being reminded of that constantly. Or maybe I’m not constantly reminded of it, but I feel as though I am. Again, overly sensitive. I’m not doing well in school already. I cant take Algebra 3-4 because I’m too stupid, but I can’t drop it because I’m too stupid. I don’t even know if my credits are in order. I cant manage to get myself to school on time. My calls are never returned. Libraries don’t want me.  I am a mess, and I’m pushing everyone away who might be able to help me.